A titillating blog for the masses! Contents may or may not include electronics, entertainment reviews, contemporary design, anime, gaming, engineering topics, life's shortcomings and joys , concepts, pretty women, humor and food. You can't go wrong with two of the most nerdiest people on the planet (self-proclaimed, of course) giving the internets daily pieces of information from their sad, sad points of views.
Edward Cullen is a 108 year old virgin and when he finally sticks his pale-ass peen into Bella, who's a whiny little ho, she gets knocked up. It's very FML-worthy.
Ever since the 108 year old virgin became the craze, there's been all sorts of vampire products. Edible period blood, vampire fleshlights and 10 million variations of Twilight storylines in various media outlets to name a few. You think you've seen it all...
but have you seen the Edward Cullen panties?
Now... have you seen Edward Cullen's lips ON THE INSIDE of the panties?
True to your nature, you remain patient as the tension builds up.
Minutes pass by. Perhaps hours.
A tiny bead of sweat forms on your forehead.
The concentration is unbridled.
You can barely inhale.
Suddenly, the thickest Lincoln Log comes shooting out of your butthole.
Now THAT's a good dump. The ones that take some patience but are well worth waiting for. The ones that shoot everywhere, the ones don't come out in one piece, the ones that feel like they should be coming out of your urethra-- those suck.
Work Poop is a site that allows you to calculate how much you're getting paid to take a dump at work. You simply enter your hourly pay, time how much you get paid to poop, and it calculates how much your poop was worth. It can also calculate your poop-salary by entering a different set of parameters. Cool, right?
The geniuses at Fleshlight have made a Vampire Fleshlight that boasts a fang-like texture on the inside appropriately named Succu Dry. ON SALE FOR $45. No STD free ho in the street will be this cheap.
As well all know, Balloon Boy has become an internet meme after gaining wide publicity and wasting taxpayer's money for a hoax conducted by Richard Heene.
They actually made a shirt of this crazy white bastard's son. Now if they made a shirt from the crazy white bastard (and his son, for a coat) that would be a different story.
This is AT&T's newest bluetooth headset. It looks AWESOME. Like the first time I saw my own vag. Kidding, it's not that awesome. I really don't want to share with our two readers that higher-ups have decided to give two of these babies away every week since that will lessen my chances of winning, but I'm feeling nice today. Enter to win here. It comes out on November 8th in the United States. The JabraStone has Noise Blackout, intelligent volume control, advanced noise cancellation and volume control. So when your needyass girlfriend calls and begins bawling in the range of 130 decibels (threshold of pain for you mortals), the headset will tune that broad down. But one of the main advantages of having one of these will definitely get you laid. Ladies will be all up over you because whoever drops $130 on a Bluetooth headset must have a wallet thicker than mantle of the earth.
I was told I'm not making enough posts nowadays. There are reasons why this is so.
It's titty-twisting 29 degrees outside. You just woke up. You're groggy and warm under your comforter, which has trapped all the heat like an igloo. There's no way in hell you want to get up.
But you have to, your brain is calling for a strong dose of caffeine. So you drag your ever-expanding lazyass to the kitchen to make a large cup. Now you're grumpy and your nipples are hard enough to stab stainless steel appliances.
"FAWK!" You exclaim. You've been trying to stab your blender that you didn't realize you have to go to school. You skip breakfast because you're half robot and don't need to eat. That being said, you have never had the satisfaction of taking a large, steamy dump either.
You pretend to pay attention. The professor is cross-eyed. You make up pirate stories about him. You stare out the window at the bleak and colorless landscape. You endure this pain for eight hours. You're ladened with homework.
You go home. You're too tired to whore it up like a boozed-up slut dancing topless on a beer pong table trying to impress the world on homecoming night. You do homework, but can't seem to take your eyes off Facebook.
"FAWK!" You explain. You find Mr. Zuckerberg and smack him up real good. He begs for your mercy and you are a merciful soul. He agrees to give you 79% of his annual salary in exchange for freedom and you agree.
Now you're tired. You didn't do any homework and your body aches in unimaginable places. You're too tired to type "blogger.com" in the search bar. You crawl under the covers and fall asleep.
ANNNNNNNNNNNNND... REPEAT. Since everyone should feel sympathy for my story, everyone should send me a portion of their annual salary whenever I post, okay?
Did you know that dork actually means whale penis? I did, I know my penises very well.... wait what? Anyway, then new leather crazy is here, it topples fancy Italian leather.... yes you guessed it! Whale penis leather!!! The new $1.6 million Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armored car come fully loaded with whale penis leather, stereo, and some illegal immigrants to do your yard work. Ok fine, I lied about the last one, only one illegal immigrant, you can pay extra for more.
"The leather is not the only tacky accessory on the Prombron, which Dartz claims is the world's most expensive SUV.
The bulletproof windows are gold-plated, the exhaust is made of tungsten, the gauges are encrusted with diamonds and rubies and the exterior has a Kevlar coating.
The car also comes with three bottles of the world's most expensive Vodka, RussoBaltique, although the website does warn prospective buyers not to drink and drive.
Dartz's armoured vehicles weigh roughly 4 tonnes, are powered by V8s putting out between 300kW and 400kW and are 'rocket grenade-proof' according to the website.
For those wondering just how may whales may need to be harvested to outfit the special edition, the answer is not many. The penis of the Blue Whale, for example, can grow up to 2.4 metres."
That's almost 8 feet long! Second biggest penis in the world, I have the first.
oh wait... that's what happens in batman. I meant to say, BOOOOOM! This really old video shows a pretty amazing explosion of an underwater mine. Someone's Navy, (french speaking it appears) testing some nice mines there. I would say they're french-Canadian, cuz they didn't even realize the water was gonna hit them with such a massive explosion.... not to bright.... KIDDING!!! But I hear they killed a couple of whales and used them for umm... read the next post.....
On my daily boredom-induced treks across the internet, I stumbled upon an article by AskMen.
Top 10: Subtle Ways To Tell Her She's Getting Fat
No.10 - Buy her clothes that are too small: "“Oh,” you might say, “I thought you were a size 8. Isn’t that what you were last summer?”"
No.9 - Sign her up for yoga under the pretence of "stress relief": "you’ll end up with a happier, more self-confident girlfriend rather than a grumpy lard-as"
No.8 - Set out on your own weight loss plan: "you’re also subtly telling her that you’re not the only one who might benefit from a diet"
No.7 - Serve her unsatisfactory portions: "By making her ask for more food, you might succeed in shaming her into an acknowledgment of her recent weight gain, and hopefully to instigate a conversation about what she’s going to do about it."
No.6 - Improve your own diet
No.5 - Playfully grab her love handles: "She recoils and feels embarrassment. Use this reaction to your advantage"
No.4 - Ask her to wear an old dress: "insist that she wears something from when you first got together; particularly something that you know doesn’t fit her anymore"
No.3 - Sabotage her chair (by this, they mean weaken her chair so when she sits, it breaks): "nothing says “better lose some weight” like a broken chair."
No.2 - Leave "now" and "then" photos lying around: "consistently reminding her of how she used to look, she’ll inevitably be more inclined to do something about her excess flab."
No.1 - Take her to places where she has to wear a swimsuit: "As she awkwardly looks around at all the slender bodies having a great time, she’ll more than likely vow to do something"
Really? I'm no flaming sexist, but this is mean. Although this is humorless satire, it's a huge smack in the face to wominz. If you're unable to tell your fat girlfriend she's gained weight in her face, you will die a horrible death. A woman's body isn't going to stay constant over time. When your girlfriend gets fat, you should be thrilled. It'll be like sleeping with another person.
If I was this guy I would have jumped on the guy with my ninja skills and sliced him in half, then laughed.... or just killed the hosts of the show and pretended I didn't know it was a prank even after they said so....... " what? I just thought the killer wanted to toy with me by saying it was a prank, so I attacked before he could"
So this guy saw a meteor come down at night, but it turns out it wasn't a meteor. It was a flaming robot! (no not a gay robot) The robot took the form of a car to hide in human society. Then it called on its friends and together they form the autobots and took over this guys house!! Just kidding, cool house decorations though!
Everybody loves cake!! Cakes have layers!?! You know donkey I don't care what everyone likes. I'm an Ogre I like SKULLS and BLOOD and ooooh look at those deliciously looking skull cakes!! nom nom nom nom nom.
This guy is waaaaaaaaster an tryin to buy beeer form a store. Wha a stpid drunk! yet so funny.... he loks familar tooo, remnds mi of a time i got drnkzors an wanetd sum beer.. oh wait is that me O.O
I think they are all intentional first of all. Because there are people like me, who work in the advertisement industry who would do these types of things and then claim to be innocent. But of course, I always keep it safe and clean around my job.That cad drawing I made that looked like a penis was completely and truthfully by accident.
If and when I have a kid, I'm gonna make it wear some these. Everyday, not just for Halloween, to scare the crap out of the other kids and start building up his/her hardcore image. Then maybe in the future if I'm lucky, they'll be famous hardcore drug addicts who either do porn or play in a famous rock band and I'm set for life. BOOYAH!
P.S. Yes I tagged this under pets because I think all kids are pets.
I bought Dreyer's Slow-Churned Frozen Yogurt Blends Cappuccino Chip a couple days ago. I don't know crap about the art of critiquing food nor am I a seasoned froyo-reviewer... but I consider myself a frozen yogurt fanatic. Compared to all the watered-down, cream-less, taste-less and calorie-less frozen yogurts I've had, this crap is delicious.
I take a huge scoop and plop it in my mouth. I keep it in there like an oven until the cappuccino melts off, leaving the chocolate bits. Swallow, don't spit. Then I eat the chocolate bits. Repeat until the entire gallon is gone (along with my waistline. I think I would be better just eating a bar of chocolate and drinking cappucino =\ ).
Afterwards, my tongue then looks like I brushed my teeth with feces.
EDIT: Okay, so this isn't really a review, it's more like a personal experience. Swallow, don't spit. KIDDING. Here's a more substantiated review: Edy's Slow Churned blah blah. (It's called Dreyer's on the West Coast)
Aha... I'm a genius, I tell you. Only people with extreme intelligence can come up with some of the titles I come up with.
Evolution has resulted in awesome defense mechanisms for all species. Turtles have shells, humans have the fetal position, and horned lizards squirt.
Several species of horned lizards squirt blood from their eyes when threatened. Their blood missiles have accuracy and has a range of five feet. WATCH TEH VIDEO ISS COO.
What better way to express your love by the Concrete Rock Ring from 22DesignStudio. I'm assuming from the product site that some Asian guy designed it. The ring cracks and changes color with use.
"New from the makers of Mana and Health Energy Potion comes Blood Energy Potion: the world's first synthetic blood beverage. The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency of blood. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! The re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch provides the convenient delivery of fluids for vampires and humans alike! Contains no real blood, just synthetic!"
"Attack of the show" video from G4, depicting what really happened in twilight. If vampires were real, and of course we are, our sixth sense wouldn't let this happen. But for weaklings like Mr. sparkly who doesn't even know how to tap into his real vampire powers, that's what he gets. Ha ha ha ha, ha. I will drink your blood....
I mean, I guess people get bored sometimes.... and some people I know pretend to be one with nature and what not.... but this is ridiculous! If you type "I like" on google search, according to google auto complete a whole bunch of us are searching for ways to be more dino-like. I say a bunch of us cuz I'm doing it right now. Seriously, do you know how ward it is to type with your thumbs taped to your hands? and I wont even get into how hard things are in the bathroom....
Also check out "I'm afraid of" in google and see what it comes up with :p
I remember when I backpacked through Eastern Europe in '05. I picked up a pretty girl in Romania who was named Tanya and brought her back to my room only to find out she used to be Tony.
Or this other time, I was traveling across central China and upon seeing this scrumptiously fried piece of meat at a night market vendor's stall, assumed it was chicken and devoured it. It was actually bull testes.
Or you know like... every day at work, I look productive but I'm really whacking it to pr0n in my cubicle. But what happens when the pr0n sites go down?
That's what Can'tYouSeeImBusy.com is for. Currently, they offer three games that make it look like you're doing something on Excel and common presentation software. The fourth one is coming out this month. You enter your company name (mine is Ling Huo LLC and it specializes in Chinese mail order brides) and start wasting time. Your boss will never know.
Really cool gadget that green people could use, and no not you Yoda. For those who love nature and would like to save on the electric bill this might come in handy. This cool solar energy storage system is not only green but cool. You just hang up the curtain with its battery pack at the base and it steals the energy from the sun. I do that too, my superpowers come from your planets yellow sun. This thing on the other hand only stores the energy which can be used to power your cell phones, pda's, vibr... I mean and other gadgets via USB.
I know you think you've seen it all, but you haven't. Seriously, you have not. Or have you seen a baby dragon sprout wings and swim under water to fight a whale and come back with its head on a stick? I thought so.... So here is a commercial for the world's largest gummy bear..... for about $30 bucks you can have a weeks worth of calories in your hands (or just a days worth for me). I know someone who would love this.... if you wanna buy it and give your loved ones diabetes, click here.
